Saturday, 8 March 2008

Confession booth - You really don't need to read this, its very "monologue"

You know those Catholic style confession booths???

I've always wanted to go into one of those and pour out my sins, but I wouldn't know where to start as the lines between sin and safe are all too often, so very thin these days. I have alot of nothingness on my mind at the moment, but I feel as though there is so much to say. On top of that, im constantly aware of the huge list of "would like to-do's" piling up somewhere in the attic of my grey matter space.
As with my "sins" where do I start?

This is probably the most disjointed I've felt for quite sometime and I can't place a finger on the particular place that feels awkward but I know there's an awkwardness in here somewhere. I would consider myself quite an independent soul, self sufficient and so on, but as much as I don't have a reliance on any other person or thing per say, I often feel the absence of any real support from those around me. There's that difference between needing and not wanting and wanting but not needing, the latter describing my predicament quite accurately.
I think It's part of my life's journey to sacrifice alot of myself for the good of other's causes and it's something I pride myself on, but I'll be honest, it hurts a little when it's not reciprocated.
Ofcourse there are some exceptions and those rare elements in my life that although they're not directly supportive; the joy, comfort, pleasure, inspiration and/or calm that they bring can make you forget the absence of anything, like forgetting to breath, it's unexpected but reminds you you're alive in it's action.

Those people, those things make "all seem well" and gently place my rose tinted glasses back onto my face.

I'll stop now, for now.
But in case I forget, please remind me of this sentence:

"I must do more to do my self justice, I must."

- Mr. Devo



Blogger ... said...

I have learnt over the course of my not so long life that I seem to be in a position where I am more able to offer the support, advice etc that most people need, whilst they are hardly ever able to do the same...
Sometimes, in moments of self pity, I ponder on the reason(s) for this.

I think I have reached the realisation that this is just the way life will be and noe get on with it... quite happily I might add.

Bottom line, we all play different roles in different peoples lives, as do they in ours.

11 March 2008 at 09:40  

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