Monday, 19 May 2008

I hate silence and thinking (This may be a long one - Sorry)

Today is an odd day for me.

I haven't posted anything for a little while, but this is a space that I can relieve my mind as well as inform anyone and no one of my experiences.
So if you have the patience or the bother to read this forgive the lack of objectivity.

I'm in a state of mixed emotions and I'm thinking
- which is always a bad thing for me.

Thinking is a dangerous game, I've always been better at "feeling" my way through things, but I don't know how to feel today.

My weekend was wonderful; I got my first photo in a national news paper; a shot of Sarah Lazenby of the wonderful Classic Rock/Pop band "Lazenby" performing at Soho's Revenue Bar.

Lazenby will be performing at Glastonbury this year and their debut single "Listening to Joni" will be available at all reputable Digital outlets from June the 16th, followed closely by the release of their debut album "The Loft Years" on June the 23rd on 206 Recordings/Absolute (Via Universal)

The rest of my weekend was spent in Brighton with some friends which was a wonderfully fun and calming experience. But then last night as I travelled home a dear friend of mine told me she had a "horrible experience" over the weekend which she didn't want to talk about and as a result she's decided to return home (abroad) because she can't stand living in this country any longer. In her words:

"I don't want to live like this anymore; alone and empty. People here are so cold and horrible."

She's been here in England for the past three years, working nights as an Early years nurse, studying to become a Lawyer during the day and struggling to get a visa to stay here indefinitely to study and work unrestricted. Starting out in a new place can be tough for anybody, but it's been particularly tough for her since loosing her father suddenly to a heart attack in the run up to Christmas last year and since returning back to England from his funeral, she hasn't been able to really get back on track, I'm there for her but she can't open up. She talks but so much goes unsaid, so many of her thoughts are said in silence where I can not hear or share or repair them.
As a friend, you want to fix things that break in the hands of your friends, but the very fact that it's in their hands can make the process so much harder, so much more impossible.

Watching this has helped somewhat

"Nina Simone - I love you Porgy"

So I don't know how to feel today, I think it's out of my hands, I feel hurt, but that doesn't give me an action to take, it just leaves me with a dull, empathetic pain.

Apologies for being so "Blue" but that's just how it is today.

- Mr. Devo



Anonymous Ms Muse said...

Hugs. It's okay to be blue. Live in all the colours, it's good for you.

22 May 2008 at 05:11  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think your amazing.. such a talented person.. cant seem 2 get you wher i want u, but one day i will ..x <3

2 June 2008 at 16:36  

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