Monday, 18 August 2008

Single life and exclusivity (Not talking Product Releases and Licensed Territories)

I've been quiet for a while (Pheobe was right, this is hard to maintain alone) Particularly hard for one dichotomous reason; I reckon If you have a life worth writing about you spend most of your time living it rather than writing about it. At least that's my theory, or maybe I'm subconsciously becoming increasingly afraid of spending a higher percentage of my life in the world of web, facing multiple windows and tabs. Right now I'd say it's 24/76 which is quite scary when 35% of the rest is spent unconscious in the world of dreams. One day I'll get round to doing a visual representation of my life on a pretty pie chart. Anywho, on to the topics: I've just come back from a very long break which was spent in a gorgeous Mediterranean country.
I had a wonderful time, met some lovely and fascinating characters and saw some truly sumptuous scenery. Naturally I had a lot of conversations whilst on my summer break but one thing that cropped up time and time again was this piece of "advice":

"Have fun, play around, you're still young - you don't wanna be in a relationship, wait until you're 30 before you even think about committing."

All of that "advice" kept coming out of the mouths of the older people I met and it didn't have an immediate impact on me until I returned home on Thursday. I don't see myself being satisfied living like that until I'm 30.
I want a home, a family and a puppy for my kids. I want something in my life that is truly mine; something I can build and protect.
I want to have fun being a Father and a provider!

Is that wrong? Are they right?

As for exclusivity: When we say exclusive do we mean we're only sharing our bodies with one person other than ourselves? If that is the case we must take a few things into account, as humans we need stability and a sense of mutuality and equality to achieve a good level of perceived happiness. The challenge of having and maintaining an exclusive relationship differs from marriage, it is not a matter of commitment; it's a matter of timing a convenience.
Marriage requires sacrifice, but this isn't marriage.
How can we make an exclusive relationship work for both of us all of the time without sacrifice?
- The answer is: we can't

How often is the other person free or to use a word I'm beginning to hate "available" when you are?

Haven't you noticed how going out for a meal or watching a movie with your potential "exclusive" other half is becoming more and more like booking holiday off work or arranging a meeting with a client or colleague?

It's horrible, yet it's so much easier to simply call somebody else if you're turned down by your potential "exclusive" other half and to play devil's advocate; without the vows or the commitments of a marriage style relationship to bond you why should somebody have you exclusively?

If that's what they truly want, why don't they put a ring on your finger or clearly state that that is what they want?
To read into it even more: If you haven't or don't plan to put a ring on someone's finger why is that? And what is the point in being exclusive if engagement/marriage somewhere down the line isn't even a realistic possibility in your mind?

Is exclusivity possible?
-Yes, but living this way can two people honestly maintain a good level of perceived happiness; I think not. It will always be imbalanced until you're both willing to sacrifice and truly commit to one another whether that be in Marriage or social equivalent.

- Mr. Devo

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, Mr. Devo, I think that you are right about exclusivity. I think that you must be in a committed relationship or it is always just for convenience. Being committed is more than binding yourself to one person, it is putting someone else's needs before your own. It is wanting to be there and not taking advantage of someone else's vulnerability. Marriage is a life long engagement and should be based on higher laws than here in mortality. And if you are ready, do not listen to others that give bad advice. Only you can truly know what "you" need.

18 August 2008 at 09:10  
Blogger ... said...

Thank you very much for this TB...

I felt kinda uncomfortable reading this because it felt like you were specifically speaking to me.

I'm in the middle of Mini-Revolution of Self and this has really made a certain aspect clearer to me.

18 August 2008 at 09:12  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home