I realised yesterday that I've been a member on blogger for five years this year, but I've hardly posted anything in the last couple of years, ironically since becoming a professional writer.
Anyhow, I've been troubled by a number of thoughts that I believe it will help me to unpack if I write them out, so I shall be endeavouring to return to my blog more in the hope these posts will do for me what they always have - tidy my cluttered mind and lighten my mood.
On of the major things that have been weighing on my mind is conflict, mostly conflict of desire. From birth, we are tormented with the perceived pain of not having what we're not meant to have, crying as though the our flesh was being torn from our bones because our guardians have taken a mobile phone out of our hands for fear that we'd break it or cack-handedly delete and dial numerous numbers from our contact list.
I've watched my nephews deal with this torment (no older than 3-years-old) and pondered why for example, they scramble and protest to clasp their tiny hands on glasses instead of plastic cups.
Of course these are relatively trivial examples, but signs still that the conflict we experience throughout life, perhaps isn't a learned behaviour. As children and through to adulthood adulthood, gossiping about others - at first friends, then colleagues then celebrities - creates the fuel of our media as we long to discover the goings on of other people's lives, far from content to mind our own business. The very existence of Paparazzi, "entertainment" and celeb-news outlets are a prime example of the lengths we'll go to peek into the lives of others, at any cost necessary (even causing death) to see pictures public figures who are just like
us when naked and drunk.
Even the affairs of the heart are racked with this torment, hence the emergence of some of our most treasured and beautiful pieces of poetry, art and music, as well as some of the bloodiest conflicts, that have been created and waged throughout the ages thanks to unrequited and forbidden love.
Why is it that our eyes long to see what's not meant for our sight?
Why is it that our ears long to hear what's not meant for their listening?
Why is it that our hearts long to hold what is not meant for our love?
Then last night as I walked home, with ice crunching beneath my feet and a crisp wind slicing into my cheeks, it hit me.
The human appetite for pain and loathing is as limitless as our soul's desire to soar above the clouds and explode with infinite joy - forever maintaining a balance. However, the result is that in flesh and subsequently in emotion we are shackled. Forever longing to soar.
Labels: conflict, emotion, heart, human, life, love, quote, soul, torment